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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26784289">future planning</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamremy/pseuds/remy'>remy (iamremy)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>House M.D.</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(both of them), Established Relationship, Foreman has a rather major dilemma, Humor, M/M, Mild Language, Season/Series 06, background medical stuff, house enjoys meddling way too much, team friendship, wilson is resigned</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:34:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,846</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26784289</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamremy/pseuds/remy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Running out of toothpaste sends Foreman spiraling. Chase is oblivious. Wilson is confused. Thirteen is amused. Taub doesn't care. </p><p>And House? House just wants to watch his soap in peace.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Greg House/James Wilson, Robert Chase/Eric Foreman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>133</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>future planning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>really, i don't know where this came from. but i wrote it, and now im making it everyone else's problem.<br/>(i should be studying and yet here i am.)</p><p>set somewhere in season 6, at a vague undefined point after <i>wilson</i>.<br/>enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Foreman squeezes the tube. Nothing comes out.</p><p>He squeezes harder. Still nothing.</p><p>He sighs, feeling put-upon and annoyed, and checks Chase’s bathroom cupboard. There is no backup toothpaste. </p><p>This is why Foreman prefers his own apartment. At least he knows that if he runs out of toothpaste there, there’s another tube in the cupboard. Then again, at Chase’s apartment he gets to see him walk around in shorts, and that’s almost enough to make him forget about the lack of toothpaste.</p><p>Almost.</p><p>“You’re out of toothpaste,” he tells Chase over breakfast.</p><p>“Okay,” is all Chase says, taking a sip of his coffee.</p><p>“Okay?” repeats Foreman. This is <em> not </em> okay. He tells Chase as much. “How are you going to manage without toothpaste? You’ll get cavities.”</p><p>“Relax,” Chase tells him. “It wasn’t the last tube of toothpaste in the world.”</p><p>“No, but it was the last tube you had,” Foreman says. “You don’t have a backup tube?”</p><p>Chase looks at him oddly over the rim of his mug. “No. Who keeps backup toothpaste?”</p><p>“Normal people,” Foreman says after a moment of disbelief. </p><p>Chase shrugs. “When I run out, I just buy more.”</p><p>Foreman can’t believe he’s dating someone who clearly has absolutely no sense of future planning. “What if you can’t get more?” he asks, conjuring up the mental image of Chase in shorts so he can remind himself why he’s in this relationship.</p><p>“Foreman, it’s <em> toothpaste</em>,” Chase says, now beginning to look annoyed, like <em> Foreman </em> is the one being unreasonable and not him. “It’s available <em> everywhere</em>. Go buy some more since it’s bothering you so much.”</p><p>“You know what?” Foreman says, taking a rather aggressive bite of his toast. “I will.”</p><p>“Good,” says Chase, getting up and heading towards his bedroom. “Have you seen my socks anywhere?” he calls a few moments later.</p><p>Foreman sighs. “Living-room, where you took them off,” he calls back.</p><p>Really, not an ounce of future planning. Something’s got to be done. Toothpaste, it seems, should be a good start.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, like most things in Foreman’s life, it’s not that simple.</p><p>He stares in growing despair at the rows upon rows of toothpaste brands, a few hours later in the supermarket. This is not rocket science, he reminds himself. This is <em> toothpaste</em>. All he has to do is buy a tube and get out, and prove to Chase that this is how adults are supposed to live.</p><p>He can’t decide what kind to get.</p><p>Which is stupid. Chase uses regular Colgate. That’s not even the problem here. The problem is that there’s some sort of discount offer, and if Foreman buys two tubes of Colgate, he’ll get one free.</p><p>And therein lies the problem.</p><p>He stares at the display for a couple more minutes. The happy couple on the box grins widely at him, as if they’re mocking him for his indecision. <em> Look at you</em>, the man's grin says. <em> Can’t even buy toothpaste for your partner’s apartment. </em></p><p><em> Commitment issues much? </em>asks the woman with her pearly-whites gleaming at him.</p><p>Foreman calls Taub.</p><p>“What?” Taub sounds annoyed. “I’m in the middle of dinner, Foreman, this better be good.”</p><p>“What do you do when your wife asks you to buy toothpaste?” Foreman asks, not wasting any time on greetings or pleasantries.</p><p>“I… buy it,” Taub answers after a pause. </p><p>“Yeah, but what kind?” asks Foreman urgently. “Regular toothpaste, or the one on offer, or-”</p><p>“I get Sensodyne,” Taub interrupts. “Just regular Sensodyne. Why are you asking me this?”</p><p>“Yeah, but how many tubes do you get at a time?” Foreman asks instead of answering Taub. “And what do you do if there’s some kind of discount offer?”</p><p>There’s a short silence on the other end. Taub’s probably thinking about it, reasons Foreman. But then Taub says, slow and deliberate, “I’m going to hang up now. Whatever weird problem you’ve got can wait till tomorrow. Goodbye, Foreman.”</p><p>“Wait-” says Foreman, but Taub’s already hung up. “Dammit,” he sighs.</p><p>He ends up leaving without buying any toothpaste.</p><p> </p><p>Chase stays over at Foreman’s that night.</p><p>“See,” Foreman says, showing him the extra tube in the cupboard as he brushes his teeth. “That’s how it’s supposed to be, Chase. You’ve got to have backups.”</p><p>Chase rolls his eyes, before rinsing his mouth and spitting. “Look, if you’re going to lecture me about toothpaste of all things, I’m going back to my flat-”</p><p>He’s wearing shorts. “No, forget the toothpaste,” Foreman says hurriedly. “I was just saying.”</p><p>Chase grins, putting his toothbrush back into the holder. “Good,” he says, drying his hands and walking back out into Foreman’s bedroom. “It’d be a shame if your lecturing totally ruined my mood for tonight.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t want that,” mutters Foreman, following Chase to the bed.</p><p>He doesn’t bring up the issue again.</p><p> </p><p>The patient might have a tumor.</p><p>At least, that’s House’s excuse for having Wilson sit in on the differential the next morning. Foreman’s glad for it; if there’s anyone who can help him out, it’ll be Wilson.</p><p>“So you’ve been married thrice, right?” Foreman says as a greeting, once it’s just him and Wilson in Radiology, doing a PET scan. </p><p>“Yes,” Wilson says after a pause.</p><p>“What did you do when you were asked to buy toothpaste?” Foreman asks.</p><p>“I… bought toothpaste,” Wilson replies, in much the same tone as Taub from the previous night. “As instructed.”</p><p>“But what if it was on discount?” Foreman asks. “Did you buy more than one tube?”</p><p>Wilson blinks. “Yes, I suppose so,” he says, sounding perplexed. “What is this about?”</p><p>Foreman exhales, long and slow. “Chase ran out of toothpaste,” he tells Wilson. “I checked his cupboard and he didn’t have any more. When I asked him about it, he told me to buy more since it bothered me so much.”</p><p>“And?” Wilson prompts, when Foreman doesn’t continue.</p><p>“And the brand he likes had an offer going on,” Foreman says. “If I bought two tubes, I’d get one free.”</p><p>“That’s a good thing,” Wilson says, though now he sounds unsure. “Isn’t it?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Foreman replies. “If it was just one tube, I’d buy it. Hell, even two, because everyone knows you’re supposed to have a backup tube of toothpaste just in case you run out and can’t get more. But <em>three</em>?”</p><p>“What’s wrong with three tubes?” Wilson asks, still looking confused. “Especially if you get them on a discount.”</p><p>“Don’t you think it’s too fast?” Foreman asks.</p><p>“Too fast?” Wilson repeats. “For what?”</p><p>“The relationship,” Foreman clarifies. “Don’t you think buying three tubes is a bit too… quick? I don’t want to be presumptuous.”</p><p>“About… toothpaste?” Now Wilson looks truly lost.</p><p>“Forget it,” sighs Foreman. “Scan’s clean. No tumors.”</p><p> </p><p>Thirteen. She’d know. She’s smart about these things.</p><p>“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Thirteen says when Foreman is done explaining his dilemma to her.</p><p>“What?” Foreman snaps irritably. “Come on, I <em> just </em> explained the whole thing!”</p><p>“It makes no sense!” she responds. “Pass me the gel.”</p><p>Foreman watches as she slathers gel over the patient’s chest, and then he says, “What part doesn’t make sense?”</p><p>“All of it,” Thirteen says, pressing the ultrasound wand over the patient’s skin. “Why are you this worried about buying toothpaste?”</p><p>“It’s not the toothpaste that’s the issue,” Foreman explains, trying to remain patient. “I just don’t want to buy too much and make him think I’m moving this relationship too quickly.”</p><p>“Why would he think that?” Thirteen asks. </p><p>“See, buying two tubes is fine,” Foreman tells her. “One for use, and-”</p><p>“One for backup, yes,” Thirteen agrees. “‘Cause you’re weird about this.”</p><p>“I’m not weird, it’s a perfectly practical thing to do!” argues Foreman, momentarily distracted.</p><p>“Still weird,” states Thirteen. </p><p>“You never ran out of toothpaste while we were dating,” Foreman reminds her.</p><p>“Yes, I’m forever grateful,” Thirteen says sarcastically. “Every time I run out of toothpaste I consider running back into your arms.”</p><p>“What, really?” Foreman asks, blinking. This could complicate matters.</p><p>“<em>No</em>, Foreman,” snorts Thirteen. “You’re Chase’s problem now.”</p><p>“That hurts my feelings,” Foreman says after a moment.</p><p>“Boohoo,” says Thirteen. “What were you saying about the third tube of toothpaste?”</p><p>“Buying a third tube indicates I think the relationship will last long enough for me to use up a third tube at his place,” Foreman explains. “I don’t want to come off as moving too fast.”</p><p>“Foreman, it’s <em> toothpaste</em>,” Thirteen says after a short, somewhat stunned silence. “You’re hardly moving in together.”</p><p>“See, that’s another thing!” Foreman says, frustrated now. “I hate his apartment! It’s too small, the hallway smells like old people, and he never has spare toothpaste. The nearest store is ten minutes away by car! How does he <em> live</em>?”</p><p>Thirteen blinks at the sudden rant. “You know what,” she says. “You should talk about this with him.”</p><p>“About what, moving in together? Or the toothpaste?” Foreman asks.</p><p>Thirteen shrugs. “Aortic arch is clear. No valve issues, either,” she says, putting the ultrasound wand away. “I’ll go report to House.”</p><p>“For what it’s worth,” the patient tells Foreman as he helps her clean up, “I’d bring up the apartment issue first. But don’t say you hate it.”</p><p>“How else am I supposed to make him come live with me?” Foreman asks her.</p><p>She chuckles. “Do try to be romantic, dear. Don’t make it about toothpaste.”</p><p>“But it <em> is </em> about toothpaste.”</p><p>The old lady sighs. “Ah, you’ll understand eventually.”</p><p>Foreman doesn’t think he will, but instead of saying that, he quietly wheels the patient back to her room, absorbed in his thoughts. </p><p> </p><p>Foreman finds House in the doctors’ lounge, fixated on his soap. “Got a minute?” he asks, sitting down next to him on the couch.</p><p>“No,” answers House, not taking his eyes off the flatscreen.</p><p>“What do you do when Wilson asks you to buy toothpaste?” Foreman asks, undeterred by House’s disinterest.</p><p>House makes an annoyed noise. “What part of <em> no </em> are you having trouble understanding?”</p><p>“This is important,” Foreman insists.</p><p>“More important than Marie finding out who’s the father of the twins? Don’t think so,” House retorts.</p><p>“Patient developed interstitial keratitis in her right eye,” Foreman says, in the hopes that this might work.</p><p>“Chase told me,” House replies. “Now shut up, and get out.”</p><p>“Answer my question and I will,” Foreman says.</p><p>House sighs, finally turning to look at Foreman. “What?” he snaps irritably. “This better be good, or you’re fired, and I don’t care what Cuddy has to say about it.”</p><p>“What do you do when Wilson asks you to buy toothpaste?” Foreman asks again.</p><p>“Nothing, because he doesn’t ask,” House says. “He knows better than to expect grocery shopping from me.”</p><p>“What kind does he get?” Foreman asks.</p><p>“Minty,” House tells him.</p><p>“More than one tube?” </p><p>House gives Foreman a long, assessing look, and then says, “I’m pretty sure I know what this is about.”</p><p>“Look, if you’re just going to mock me-”</p><p>“I’m not,” House interrupts, effectively surprising Foreman into silence. “Yet,” he adds. “I will, however, mock you plenty after you inevitably break up.”</p><p>“We’re not going to break up,” Foreman says irritably. “Why would you say that?”</p><p>House shrugs, turning back to his soap. “For one, you’re agonizing over toothpaste and wasting my time instead of talking to him about it. Ask him to move in or break up. Either way, leave me alone.”</p><p>“House-”</p><p>“Get <em>out</em>, Foreman.”</p><p>Foreman sighs, feeling very put upon, and decides to give up. House is clearly not in the mood to be unhelpful.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve got that look on your face,” Wilson says knowingly, later on that evening.</p><p>“What look?” House asks, not looking up from his book.</p><p>“You’re planning something evil,” Wilson says. </p><p>“Such as?” </p><p>“I think you’re trying to make Foreman and Chase break up,” Wilson replies.</p><p>House finally puts his book down. His feet are in Wilson’s lap; he prods Wilson’s thigh with his toe, and says, “No, I’m not.”</p><p>“Yes you are,” argues Wilson, one hand resting on House’s ankle. “You’re taking advantage of Foreman having doubts.”</p><p>“I’m doing them a favor,” House says, giving up all pretense of innocence.</p><p>“By breaking them up?” questions Wilson, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>“Look at it this way,” House says. “If Foreman can’t get over himself and just buy some damn toothpaste, they’ve got bigger problems. And if their relationship can’t survive a little meddling, then it wasn’t that strong to begin with.”</p><p>“I’ve seen you break up married couples,” Wilson says after a moment.</p><p>“Who says all marriages are strong?” dismisses House.</p><p>“Well, they’re usually stronger than normal relationships,” Wilson points out.</p><p>House snorts. “Yes, you are a shining example.”</p><p>“This isn’t about me,” Wilson says after another pause. “This is about Foreman and Chase. Leave them alone, House.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, have you <em> met </em>me?” House asks with disbelief.</p><p>Wilson throws his hands up in surrender. “Fine, fine, my bad. I’m just saying - they’re happy with each other. Don’t ruin it.”</p><p>“I’m not the one ruining it,” House reminds him. “Foreman and his weird obsession with toothpaste is.”</p><p>“He thinks the relationship’s moving too fast if he buys more than two tubes of toothpaste at a time,” Wilson tells House.</p><p>“He’s an idiot,” House declares.</p><p>“Says the guy who took twenty years to admit he’s in love with me, and that too only ‘cause he thought I’d die on the table during a liver donation,” replies Wilson smugly.</p><p>“Shut up, Wilson.”</p><p>Wilson does, but the self-satisfied look remains on his face as he turns back to the TV.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you talk to that cute boyfriend of yours yet?” the patient asks, the moment Foreman enters her room the next morning.</p><p>“No,” Foreman answers, picking up her chart. “You had a good night?’</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry about me,” she dismisses. “You really should talk to him soon.”</p><p>“I will,” Foreman mutters, a little disgruntled. </p><p>Taub, who’s with him, raises an eyebrow. “What’s this about?”</p><p>“None of your business,” Foreman tells him.</p><p>“Is this about the toothpaste you called me for?” Taub questions, not at all put off by Foreman’s response.</p><p>“Well, you didn’t seem too interested,” Foreman tells him loftily.</p><p>Taub rolls his eyes. “I was having dinner with my wife, Foreman.”</p><p>Foreman ignores him. “How’s your eye?” he asks the patient.</p><p>She gives him a thumbs-up. “Feels better, dear.”</p><p>“Good,” he tells her with a smile. “You should know - corneal scarring is a strong possibility, given your condition. We can manage it, but there’s a good chance you’ll have long-term visual impairment.”</p><p>“I’m seventy, dear, how much more long-term could it be?” she asks with a smile. “You on the other hand have your whole life ahead of you, and two functioning eyes too, so - go talk to your pretty boyfriend.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Foreman says after a pause.</p><p>“Man, they’re really getting more and more frank these days, huh?” Taub comments once they leave her room.</p><p>“She overheard me and Thirteen talking while we were ultrasounding her heart,” Foreman tells him. “Decided to involve herself.”</p><p>“What is this about, anyway?” Taub wants to know.</p><p>“Nothing, man, I’m probably overthinking it,” Foreman tells him.</p><p>“Don’t,” advises Taub. “Look, he really likes you. I can’t understand why, but he does.” He ignores Foreman’s glare, and goes on, “And I know you like him too. Just… solve whatever it is.”</p><p>“What excellent advice,” Foreman snarks. “You are truly a font of wisdom, Taub. The relationship guru.”</p><p>“You asked,” Taub retorts.</p><p>“No, I did <em> not</em>,” Foreman reminds him. They’ve reached the conference room; Foreman takes his usual chair at the table, Taub sliding in next to Chase, and then tells House, “Patient reports improvement in the eye.”</p><p>“Good, all the easier for her to eyefuck Chase,” House comments, grinning at Chase.</p><p>“She doesn’t-” Chase begins half-heartedly.</p><p>“She does,” Thirteen, Taub, and Foreman say at once, Foreman with considerably less amusement than the other two.</p><p>“She’s <em> seventy</em>,” Chase says.</p><p>“And?” House asks. “She’s going blind in one eye and even that hasn’t stopped her.”</p><p>“Can we just focus on the differential?” Chase asks loudly.</p><p>“Cogan syndrome?” suggests Taub.</p><p>“No hearing problems,” Thirteen counters. “Visceral leishmaniasis?”</p><p>“No, there’s no splenomegaly, and it doesn’t explain the foot numbness or incontinence,” Foreman says.</p><p>“Neurosyphilis,” says Chase suddenly. “It fits all her symptoms.”</p><p>“She’s seventy, as you just pointed out,” Taub says. “Where would she have picked up syphilis?”</p><p>“If she can try to grope Chase at every given opportunity, I’m sure she can find a way to get laid,” House says. “LP to confirm, penicillin to treat, and someone give her the birds and bees talk too, while you’re at it.”</p><p>They all get up. Thirteen, Taub, and Chase make for the door, and Foreman is just about to follow them out when House says, “Doctor Foreman.”</p><p>The use of his title combined with House’s tone warns Foreman he’s probably not going to like this conversation. Nevertheless, he turns. “Yes?”</p><p>“You’ve been distracted lately,” House says. “Trouble in paradise?”</p><p>“Thought you didn’t care,” Foreman says.</p><p>“I didn’t care when my soap was on,” House corrects. “But now that the mystery of the twins’ father is out of the way, I’m all ears.”</p><p>“Look, it’s nothing,” Foreman begins.</p><p>“Didn’t seem that way from what Wilson told me,” House cuts in.</p><p>“Of course he told you,” mutters Foreman, annoyed. Seems like Wilson can’t keep his mouth shut.</p><p>“Of course he did, since we are in a relationship, and adults in relationships talk about things,” House says. “Or that’s what I’ve been told, anyway.”</p><p>“And I’m sure you’ve got an opinion,” Foreman says, throwing his hands up in surrender.</p><p>“<em>Duh</em>,” says House obnoxiously. “I think the toothpaste thing is a mask. I think what you’re really worried about is that the relationship is beginning to get serious.”</p><p>“It’s been serious for a while,” Foreman says after a second, resigning himself to this conversation.</p><p>“But it’s only now that you’ve begun considering asking him to move in.” At Foreman’s incredulous look, House scoffs and says, “Come on. He spends the night with you more than he does at his own place. It doesn’t take a genius to infer that both you and him prefer that arrangement, or there would have been pushback.”</p><p>“His hallway smells like old people,” Foreman says.</p><p>House raises an eyebrow. “Discrimination against the elderly aside,” he says, getting to his feet, “what are you so afraid of?”</p><p>Foreman doesn’t answer.</p><p>“Thought so,” House says smugly, which is infuriating, because Foreman has no idea what he means, or what he thinks so. “Well, I’m sure the relationship was fun while it lasted,” he says when he’s at the door. “Just remember, when you do break up… don’t expect me to be there for you.” And with that, he walks off in the direction of Wilson’s office.</p><p>“We are <em> not </em> going to break up!” Foreman calls out angrily after him, ignoring the looks he’s drawing from the people nearby. “Fucking asshole,” he mutters under his breath as he stalks off in the direction of the elevators.</p><p> </p><p>“Why does House think we’re going to break up?” Foreman asks Thirteen in the lab.</p><p>She shrugs. “Don’t know.”</p><p>“Don’t care,” Taub adds. “Where’s Chase anyway?”</p><p>“Lunch,” Thirteen answers.</p><p>“Didn’t House tell him to find out the patient’s sexual history?”</p><p>Foreman snorts. “He says he’s not going in there alone.”</p><p>“Can’t blame him,” grins Thirteen.</p><p>“Never mind that,” Taub says. “<em>Are </em> you two going to break up?”</p><p>“No, of course not,” Foreman answers after a moment of hesitation.</p><p>Taub snorts. “Real convincing.”</p><p>“Well, I don’t <em> want </em> to,” Foreman says. “And I don’t think he does, either.”</p><p>“Then ignore House,” advises Thirteen. “You know he just likes meddling. He tried to break us up too, remember.”</p><p>“Well, we <em> did </em> break up,” Foreman reminds her.</p><p>“Not because of House, though,” Taub interjects. “You two broke up because Foreman’s a stubborn asshole.”</p><p>“Thanks,” mutters Foreman, while Thirteen grins.</p><p>“Seriously, just talk to him,” she says after a few seconds. “What’s the worst that can happen? He’ll say no to moving in? So what? Try again in a couple months.”</p><p>“CSF confirms neurosyphilis,” Taub says. “And for God’s sake, buy some toothpaste without having a meltdown over it.”</p><p> </p><p>Chase, with Thirteen’s assistance, manages to wrangle the name and contact details of the patient’s sexual partners from her. The list is… surprisingly long. “This’ll be fun,” he grumbles, heading up to Diagnostics.</p><p>Thirteen grins. “Looks like it,” she says. “Hey, can I ask you something?” she asks as they step into the elevator.</p><p>“Sure,” Chase says.</p><p>“You and Foreman… is it serious?”</p><p>Chase gives her a look. “You asking as his ex, or as my friend?”</p><p>“As your friend,” she clarifies. “And his, too.”</p><p>“Oh.” Chase looks thoughtful. “I think it’s serious. I practically live at his place, anyway.”</p><p>“And do you think it’s going to work out?” Thirteen asks, tone careful.</p><p>Chase shrugs. “I’m hoping it will,” he says, just as the elevator bings to a stop. </p><p>“You really like him, huh,” Thirteen says as they step out.</p><p>Chase nods. “Yeah. Even though Taub keeps asking me why,” he adds with a grin.</p><p>“Oh, he asked me that too, several times,” Thirteen tells him. “I mostly ignored him.”</p><p>“Seems to be the way to go,” agrees Chase. “You gonna stay and help me call all these people?”</p><p>Thirteen snorts. “Hell no, I’m going to have my lunch,” she tells him. “Get your boyfriend to do it, he loves you enough to sit through that with you.”</p><p>And with that, she leaves him, walking off in the direction of the doctors’ lounge. Chase watches her go, then shakes himself out of his thoughts and dials Foreman’s pager.</p><p> </p><p>Foreman’s pager goes off.</p><p>It's Chase.</p><p>The timing is perfect, considering Foreman has just gotten into the elevator to go up to Diagnostics. He’s spent his afternoon thinking about what Thirteen had said, and what House said too, and it makes sense to him. It’s about time he bites the bullet and does the deed, and he can deal with the consequences later.</p><p>The thing is, though… this is important. He’s never really asked anyone to move in with him before. None of his relationships in his adult life have actually lasted that long. Considering that, this is a huge step.</p><p>Foreman thinks of the fact that Chase does spend more time at his apartment than at his own, and a significant portion of that time is spent in shorts. He thinks of the old people smell in Chase’s hallway. He thinks of the spare tube of toothpaste in his bathroom at home. </p><p>Chase, he decides, would be an idiot not to move in with him.</p><p>With that thought in mind, Foreman opens the door to the conference room with a confident grin on his face. They’ve been dating for months now, and it’s serious, and they really like each other. What could go wrong?</p><p>His good mood vanishes the moment Chase holds up a piece of paper. “We’ve got to call all her sexual partners,” he announces.</p><p>“This is what you called me for?” Foreman asks, disgruntled. Then, “All? There’s more than one?” </p><p>Chase nods, looking equally annoyed. “C’mon, let’s get to it. Faster we’re done, faster we can go home and relax.”</p><p>Oh, an unexpected opening. Foreman can work with that. “When you say home,” he begins, sitting down in his chair, across the corner from Chase.</p><p>“Your place,” Chase clarifies without looking up from the paper. He’s dialing the first number on it with his free hand. </p><p>The speaker in the middle of the table transmits the dial tone as they wait for the guy to pick up. Foreman, feeling fidgety and nervous all of a sudden, says, “You don’t mind it? Staying over at my place so much?”</p><p>“No, ‘course not,” Chase replies. “Why would I- hello, is this Phillip?” </p><p>“Yes,” comes a quavering voice over the speaker.</p><p>“I’m Dr. Chase from Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. Your, um, friend Edith is a patient here.”</p><p>“Oh my God, is she all right?”</p><p>“She’s fine, don’t worry,” Chase reassures in a soothing tone. “She, um, she told us she had sexual relations with you a few years ago.”</p><p>“Well, it was just one night, and- you’re not going to tell my wife, are you? We were both drunk, and-”</p><p>“No, don’t worry,” Chase cuts in, glaring at Foreman who’s grinning in amusement. “We just wanted to inform you that, um, she’s just been diagnosed with syphilis, and you should probably get checked as well. Your wife too, actually,” he adds.</p><p>There’s a moment of silence, and then Phillip says, strangely vehement for a man his age, “Well, <em> fuck</em>.”</p><p>Foreman grins wider.</p><p>“You can come into the clinic anytime,” Chase tells Phillip. “It’s free. Have a good day, sir.”</p><p>He hangs up before Phillip can say anything.</p><p>“Well, that went well,” remarks Foreman.</p><p>Chase sighs, and begins dialing the second number on the list. “There’s like, ten guys here,” he mutters, scanning the list. “Edith really had some fun, huh.”</p><p>“Good for her,” Foreman says. “I’m just glad she didn’t get the opportunity to pass it on to you.”</p><p>“Believe me, she tried,” Chase says, as the dial tone sounds out again over the speaker. “What were you saying, earlier?”</p><p>“I was asking if you minded, staying over at my place so much,” Foreman says again.</p><p>“If I did I’d tell you,” Chase tells him. “Don’t worry, I’m good. Way better than good, in fact.”</p><p>“That’s… good,” Foreman says, and then winces internally. Way to sound confident.</p><p>“Something on your mind?” Chase asks, giving Foreman the same kind of analytical look that House had, earlier that morning. It’s a little unnerving.</p><p>“It’s nothing,” he says. It’s not convincing even to his own ears.</p><p>“Okay,” Chase says slowly. “But uh… I’m here, if there’s anything you wanted to talk about.”</p><p>Oh, another opening. Someone up there is really on Foreman’s side, hopefully. He takes the presented opportunity, and says, “Actually, now that you mention it, there was.”</p><p>“What?” Chase asks, and then holds a finger up, turning the speaker off and putting the phone to his ear. “Hello, is this Bert? I’m Dr. Chase from PPTH, your friend Edith’s a patient here- oh. Okay, yeah, I’ll hold.” He turns back to Foreman. “What’s up?”</p><p>“It can wait,” Foreman says, glancing at the speaker.</p><p>“Bert sounded like he’ll be a while,” Chase tells him dryly.</p><p>“Well, in that case,” says Foreman. “So I’ve been thinking, you know, about us. And-”</p><p>“Wait,” interrupts Chase. “Hello, Bert? Yes, Edith. Um, yeah. She says you two had, uh, relations? Yeah. She’s just been diagnosed with syphilis, and you should probably get checked too. Oh- okay, fine, I’ll hold.” He turns back to Foreman with a resigned expression.</p><p>“Well, it started with the toothpaste,” Foreman tells Chase. “And that got me thinking about our relationship, and…” He takes a deep breath. “You know how you spend all this time at my place?”</p><p>Chase nods, looking thoughtfully at Foreman.</p><p>“And how you always complain that your kitchen is too small?”</p><p>Chase nods again.</p><p>“And that your hallway smells like old people?”</p><p>“Actually, <em> you </em> complain about that,” corrects Chase with a wry grin.</p><p>“Same thing,” dismisses Foreman. “And you know, you don’t have backup toothpaste-”</p><p>“Wait, Bert’s back,” Chase tells him, and mouths “sorry” before going back to the phone. “Yes, it’s an STD. Yes, if you have it, it’s probable your wife has it too. We’ve got a free clinic, I’d advise you to come get tested. Uh, no, you can’t get it from a toilet seat. No, no, you can’t get it just from someone touching you - you know what? Come down to the clinic tomorrow, and a doctor will explain everything. All right. Yeah, Princeton-Plainsboro. See you tomorrow.” He hangs up, grimacing, before Bert can ask any more questions. “I hate this job,” he mumbles.</p><p>“No you don’t,” Foreman reminds him with a grin. </p><p>“You’re having so much fun, you can do the next call,” Chase tells him with a baleful glare, handing him the paper. “There. Call Ronnie. Have fun.”</p><p>Foreman takes it from Chase but doesn’t dial Ronnie. “It can wait a few minutes,” he says.</p><p>“Oh right, the toothpaste,” Chase says, and then looks annoyed again. “Foreman, I swear if you’re going to lecture me-”</p><p>“No!” Foreman says hastily.</p><p>“Well, you did just sit there and list off all the reasons you hate my place,” Chase reminds him.</p><p>“No, it’s all the reasons you should move in with me,” Foreman corrects before he can really stop himself.</p><p>Chase freezes. “Wait - you want me to move in with you?”</p><p>Foreman nods, not wanting to open his mouth and say something that could make Chase say no.</p><p>“Because… you’ve got toothpaste,” Chase goes on.</p><p>“It’s as good a reason as any,” Foreman says, and gives Chase a little grin.</p><p>“Yeah, okay,” Chase says, and grins back.</p><p>“Okay, it’s a good reason, or…?” Foreman trails off, wanting confirmation.</p><p>“Okay, I’ll move in,” Chase clarifies, grin widening. “I was kinda waiting for you to ask, actually.”</p><p>“Wait.” Foreman stops short. “So the toothpaste thing... was that a ploy?”</p><p>“No, I did run out of toothpaste,” Chase replies, still grinning. “But I bought some the next day.”</p><p>“You-” Foreman is <em> outraged</em>. “Do you know how much I freaked out over that?” he demands.</p><p>Chase nods. “Wilson told me. I was gonna tell you not to worry about it, but House said I should wait and see what you’d do.”</p><p>“House said-?” Foreman takes a deep breath, and then another. “You’re telling me House has been meddling right from the beginning?”</p><p>“Well, I’d say the middle, actually,” Chase says, and then stops when he sees it’s not helping. “Foreman? You all right?”</p><p>Foreman sighs, shaking his head. “I cannot believe this. I cannot. Believe this.”</p><p>“For what it’s worth, I was always going to say yes,” Chase tells him. “Well, if you still want me to move in, that is,” he adds uncertainly.</p><p>“Of course I do,” Foreman says at once, because now Chase is looking worried, and it’s bothering him how much he hates that look on Chase’s face. “Of course I still want you to move in, Chase. It’s just that I also kind of want to kill House, a little.”</p><p>Chase’s entire body relaxes, and he lets out a sigh of relief. “Just a little?” he asks, with a crooked grin.</p><p>“A lot,” corrects Foreman with a glare in the direction of House’s desk, as if he’s there.</p><p>“I’ll help you,” Chase promises, sliding his chair closer to Foreman’s.</p><p>“Thought you were conspiring with him to make my life difficult,” Foreman says, raising an eyebrow.</p><p>“Oh, nah, he kept saying we’d break up, and I wanted to prove we wouldn’t,” Chase tells Foreman.</p><p>“Yeah, what is with that?” wonders Foreman.</p><p>“I think he’s just being an arse,” Chase says. “Ignore him. I’ll bring over my stuff this weekend?”</p><p>Foreman leans in and kisses him. “Yeah, sounds good to me. Stay over tonight, though.”</p><p>“Yeah, definitely,” Chase replies, smiling. “Only if you agree to call Ronnie and the rest, though,” he adds with a lopsided smirk.</p><p>“You’re lucky I love you,” Foreman tells him deadpan, taking the phone from him.</p><p> </p><p>“Chase and Foreman didn’t break up,” Wilson reports to House, handing him a plate of dinner.</p><p>“Yeah, I know,” House says, sitting up on the couch so he can eat.</p><p>“How do you know?” Wilson asks.</p><p>“Saw them making out in between phone calls to Edith’s sexual partners,” House replies. "Weird how telling old people they might have syphilis didn't turn them off."</p><p>Wilson grimaces at that, and then asks, “How does it feel, being wrong?”</p><p>“I wasn’t,” House answers shortly.</p><p>“You said they’d break up, and now they’re moving in together,” Wilson reminds him.</p><p>“I knew they would,” House says.</p><p>“<em>How</em>?” Wilson asks, annoyed now. Then, before House can answer, “Oh! Oh, you were trying to make them talk to each other. By insisting they’d break up, you practically ensured they’d move in together, just to spite you if nothing else. But then…” Wilson trails off, frowning thoughtfully, “why not just tell them that?”</p><p>House grins conspiratorially at him. “This way was more fun. Did you see Foreman quietly freaking out the entire time? Prime entertainment.”</p><p>“So now what, you’ll try to break up their engagement? Their future marriage?” Wilson asks.</p><p>House shrugs. “I’ll see. Depends on how much I’ve got to work with. Knowing them, probably plenty.”</p><p>Wilson sighs, resigned and yet fond. “You are an evil, evil man.”</p><p>“You love it,” House says. “You know you do.”</p><p>Wilson shakes his head, but doesn’t deny it. Not like he truthfully can.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing?” Foreman asks when Chase reaches over to retrieve his cell phone from the nightstand.</p><p>“Texting House,” Chase tells him. He types something out quickly, hits the send button, puts the phone aside and then goes back to his previous position, lying on top of Foreman with his arms crossed on Foreman’s chest and his chin resting on them.</p><p>“Why?” Foreman asks, frowning as he puts his arms back around Chase.</p><p>“Telling him we had great sex,” Chase says happily. “That’ll show him. Thinking we’ll break up, <em>honestly</em>.”</p><p>“It’s none of his business,” Foreman says, miffed.</p><p>“Exactly!” agrees Chase. </p><p>“So why tell him that we just had sex?” Foreman asks, trying to make sense of it.</p><p>“So he’ll stop interfering,” Chase replies. </p><p>“Somehow, I don’t think that’s going to work,” comments Foreman.</p><p>“Should I send a picture?” Chase, horrifyingly, sounds like he’s actually, seriously considering it.</p><p>“No!” Foreman says at once. “Absolutely not. No way, Chase.”</p><p>“Fine, fine,” Chase says, giving in. “But the next time he tries to make us break up, we’re having sex on his desk.”</p><p>“We are <em> not </em> doing that under any circumstances,” Foreman refuses flatly.</p><p>Chase sighs. “<em>Fine</em>. You wet blanket.”</p><p>“His car, though…” Foreman suggests, trailing off, a grin on his face.</p><p>That makes Chase laugh. “Oh, that would be hilarious!” he says, leaning forward to kiss Foreman. “Let’s do that. Let’s totally do that.”</p><p>Fitting revenge, thinks Foreman. It’s what House deserves.</p><p> </p><p>“They’re planning on breaking into my car and having sex in it,” House tells Wilson.</p><p>Wilson blinks. “Oh. How do you know?”</p><p>In response, House shows Wilson the text he just got from Chase. It’s incredibly juvenile. There are more details than are strictly appropriate between boss and employee, as well as a crude text-based illustration of something vaguely phallic.</p><p>Wilson squints at the phone, and then back up at House. “I mean… disturbing details aside, there’s nothing in this to indicate they’ll break into your car,” he says.</p><p>“I know they will,” House says confidently.</p><p>“I’m not going to ask how you arrived at that conclusion,” sighs Wilson. “What are you going to do about it?” </p><p>“Itching powder,” answers House with a diabolical grin. </p><p>“House, <em> no</em>,” Wilson tries half-heartedly.</p><p>“House, <em> yes</em>,” House replies, grinning wider. That’ll show the little shits who’s boss. It’s what they deserve.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>please leave a comment and let me know if you enjoyed it! you can find me on tumblr @<a href="https://chesterbennington.co.vu/">thelegendofwinchester</a> too, come say hi!</p><p>love,<br/>remy x</p></blockquote></div></div>
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